Why "Hearing the Unspoken"is My Newest Favorite "Popposite"

And Hannah is smiling that the word she created has lasting meaning

iStock: credit Strizh

Alfred here…

First a shoutout to Hannah who created the word “popposite” in a play she wrote and produced last year. Yep! That Hannah. She can do it all… except for be happy which is sometimes hard for her, but she’s getting better at it.

And that’s a popposite right there—it’s her sometimes sour mood that makes me appreciate when she is light and happy. It’s my ability to see both, that makes the happy times shine all the more.

So “popposite” has become a favorite word of mine.

Nelly (my dog) helps me to relax and also gives me lots of jobs—like walking her.

My mom is very devoted to me (that’s a good thing) but her focus on me can also drive me crazy.

So, I’m sure you get the idea.

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Now comes the challenge that made me think of popposites all over again.

Coach (or as my mom refers to him, “Tom”) has told me many times that “hearing the unspoken” is very important.

It is so important that I listed it as one of my 5 tools I hope to develop as I become an adult. But Coach and I had this funny, weird conversation. I still call him “Coach” even if I have Eddie, as my new and awesome coach. I call Eddie, “Eddie.”

Me: Coach, if the words are unspoken, how am I to hear them?

Coach: Alfred, as we know that it’s tricky. I look at the speaker’s eyes. Are they looking right at me?

Me: That’s easy enough.

Coach: But not enough, as we know. Is the speaker saying something that makes sense?

Me: That’s more difficult and also means I have to judge them, and not using what I know about me. For example, if the person ate a cookie and said, “delicious” and it wasn’t a Soho Glob—the only cookie I eat—I have no way of knowing whether to trust his words.

Coach: Well, that takes me to the third and maybe hardest rule I use to hear the unspoken.

Me: Wait! Before you tell me the last rule, can we just stop and discuss that “hear the unspoken” makes no sense because what are we hearing if it’s unspoken?

Coach: And that is exactly why you love the world “popposite.” It’s a tricky idea but what we are really hearing is not the words but the feelings.

Me: Ok, so about the third rule…

Coach: Check out the cadence of the person’s speech. If it comes in fits and starts then they may not be comfortable with what they’re saying. It gives you an entry point to investigate and then sometimes their spoken words will shed light.

This was enough for me, and now I need to share with you how I heard my mom’s unspoken words.

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The weekend was coming up.

My mom and “Tom” (I call him “Coach”) have become dear friends and more. This led to Coach finding me Eddie as my new coach. Eddie is great, and built more like me— socially different. We’re called “neurodivergent.”

I’m fine with being neurodivergent if I can grow up to be like Eddie—helping people, carefully managing how much time he spends with people, and sneaking in some baseball. I love baseball too, but Eddie actually played it in college.

But back to my mom, she announces to me,

“Grandma wants to have you and Hannah over for dinner and a sleepover. She says you can teach her how to make Soho Globs.”

Great idea, but I was looking forward to downtime in my bedroom with my anime friend, Naruto.

“Mom, I was really looking for some quiet time. Maybe another weekend?”

Now, there’s silence and my mom looks so, so disappointed.

“Alfred, Grandma would really like it and before you know it, you and Hannah will be off to college and these opportunities won’t exist.”

Here is where “hearing the unspoken” kicked in.

“Mom, I think there might be some other reasons you mention going to Grandmas. Do you have plans with Coach?”

She looked shocked when I said that. Then she looked down towards the ground. Then she gave me a broken response which I later told Hannah about. Hannah said,

“So she stammered?”

I had to look the word up and yes, she stammered.

I understood, and very few words were the exchanged other than,

“Ok. I’ll mention it to Hannah.”

My mom smiled as I then said,

“I hope you have a good time with Coach.”

Coach was right. The unspoken words are so important and now that he’s given me some technique, hearing them is not that hard to do.

I later learned that Coach had tickets to a BSO (Boston Symphony Concert) where no words are heard… only notes.